by Martin Baena
Characters: Prophet, God
Prophet: (enter) Hear me, O’ Lord, for I sing your praises. I have done as you asked of me and opened a restaurant. Every Thursday is all you can eat meatball night and I have prospered. I have taken a wife and she is with child. Truly, O’ Lord, you are the master of the universe. Thank you, Lord, thank you!
God: Sell your business.
God: Did I stutter?
Prophet: I will do as you command of me, Lord.
God: Will you really?
Prophet: Y-yes, Lord. I serve only you.
God: When you went unto your people, did I not say, “I shall give them a sign so they may know you are my prophet”?
Prophet: Oh yes, Lord!
God: And when I did not give the sign, were you not cast into the wilderness?
God: And when you came crying like a little girl did I not ignore your plight?
God: And I ask of you: sell your business, leave your family.
Prophet: I shall do as you command.
God: And do you think this wise?
Prophet: Yes, Lord. For you are above all in wisdom.
God: (beat) You fear me?
Prophet: I fear thee.
God: Stand up.
Prophet: I humble myself before thee, O’ Lord.
God: Stand. Up.
Prophet (stands) Yes, O’ Lord.
God: Tell me to fuck off. (beat) I command thee.
Prophet: O’ Lord…
God: “Fuck off”
Prophet: F-fuck off.
God: Like you mean it.
Prophet: F.. Fuck off!
God: I shall smite thee. Prepare thyself!
Prophet (kneels, beat) I have prepared myself for your smiting, O’ Master of the Heavens, Most High. (beat) I am ready, O’ Lord. (looks around) Lord? Hello? (exits)
This work by Martin Baena is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.