Guy’s Night Out

Setting: a three bedroom apartment, recently renovated, decorated with empty ramen wrappers, beer cans.

Characters: Jason, Andy, Clayton, and Sam. Early 30s, greying prematurely.


A living room: Andy and Clayton finish their tall cans as they prepare to depart while Sam sits at the edge of the couch, nursing a beer. 

Andy: I swear to you…

Clayton: There’s no way…

Andy: I can get as blackout drunk, as blackout-fucking-drunk as anybody and still finish the beer. I will finish the beer.

Clayton: How…

Andy: It’s a fact.

Sam: Man…

Clayton: …how could you possible know that?

Sam: Man, life here’s so much better than St. Catherines.

Jason: [Enters with coat on] Time to go, boys…

Andy: It’s a fact. Don’t overreact, don’t overreact.

Clayton: There’s no way.

Andy: You can’t beat science.

Clayton [crosses to bedroom]: Anybody’s seen my shirt…?

Jason: Let’s go! C’mon already….

Sam: The women here…you know?

Andy: Yeah.

Sam: …like, you remember Jennifer?

Andy: That was a class lady.

Jason: Know where they got class girls? At the bar…

Sam:  She was so hot and smart and she turned down a lot of guys so you know she wouldn’t cheat on you.

Andy: Respect.

Sam: … she flat turned them down.

Jason: Uber’s here.

Sam: And that made her hotter. Because you know…

Andy: Damn straight

Sam: That she’s hot enough to say yes to all of them and she doesn’t.

Clayton: [reenters with shirt] There’s no way you remember, Andy.

Andy: What?

Clayton: No way.

Andy: I’m telling you it’s science.

Sam: But you know what did it? I shouldn’t have moved back.

Jason: [exits] Let’s go, let’s go!

Sam: I should’ve stayed here.

Andy: Let’s go. Uber’s here.

Clayton: [exits] There’s no way. – Will you tell him…

Sam: I should’ve…

Andy: I know what you should do…

Sam:. … it’s my fault.

Andy: …you should forget her.

Sam: Yeah

Andy: I’ll show.

They exit. 


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